I am a humorous stay at home mom friend for my friends to have. I buck ALL of the stereotypes I’m sure, and I’m done apologizing for it. Don’t even try and label me because it won’t work. I once heard the phrase “Somewhere between Proverbs 31 and Tupac, there’s me.” And I thought yasssss, NOW someone finally gets me. But it’s the truth.
Being a mom is enough.
How many times though at a party, or a business gathering of my husband’s, is the leading question when you meet new people, “So what do you DO?”
There is no harm meant in this question, someone is simply asking to get to know you most likely, but this question has haunted me for years. I would always feel the need to justify my intelligence or competency by quickly stating what I USED to do (i.e. primarily when I received a paycheck), that somehow this would warrant approval from my soon-to-be friend. This is so stupid that I do this. I could blame it on my three-ness (Enneagram) because I for sure have quite the vanity streak in me, but ultimately I think it’s rooted in the lie that being a mom is not enough.
It is rare in my circles right now to come across a woman who just does one thing. There is a pressure to not just raise your kids well, but also to maintain a weekly date night in order to be at thriving marital status (when let’s be honest, most of us are just surviving), volunteer in the classroom, initiate happy hour with your girlfriends on the regular, contribute in a significant way to your local philanthrophy of choice, keep up those hair roots when the greys pop through every 4-6 weeks, oh AND have a healthy well-balanced nutrient rich meal prepped morning, noon and night for each of the tiny humans residing in your household.
And the list of pressures goes on.
The truth is that NOTHING that you can do, or achieve, will ever be enough. That’s just the reality. That’s the culture we live in. You could win the freaking Superbowl tomorrow and it would not give you the lasting feelings of contentment and purpose that we’re all seeking.
Let’s shift our focus from results and achieving, to simply aiming to put our best foot forward, day in and day out, and believing in ourselves that this is enough. It is. Truly, what you have to offer to your littles, and the world, TODAY, is enough. You don’t need another certification, you don’t need a baller title on your business cards, and or a plump paycheck. If these things were true, that would mean that our role as a mom was valued and measured as unsuccessful.
The results are not ours to own. All we are simply responsible for is showing up each day, and doing our best, pouring out all the love that we have wastefully and praying for God to fill in the rest. That’s it. Our value and worth will never come from anything we accomplish or do.
All of you in one thing is so much better than part of you in lots of things.
Being a mom is enough.
Being a wife is enough.
Being a teacher is enough.
Running a big or small business is enough.
You will NOT find your purpose or worth in pursuing all of the things.
We all want someone to affirm in us that we are okay. That we are doing okay.
Friends, you are doing better than you think.
So next time you find yourself in a situation where someone innocently asks you, “So what is it that you do?” Answer them with bold confidence, as if you are the CEO or personal assistant for the next generation of world changers (because you freaking are!). You’re helping to move humanity forward by teaching your offspring to be kinder, more compassionate, more loving human beings and hoping that’s enough. Because it is. You are pouring into the advancement of humanity, with the little people that have been entrusted to you. We only have a few years to make an impact. And I know that we want our lives to count. So let’s live it with confidence and purpose. Even when the world tells you you could do more, trust that what you’re doing is enough.
Because mama, it is.
You are enough.
What you are doing is enough.
How You Can Find Purpose Today
If you are like me, and find yourself in a job, career or life situation that you didn’t plan or prepare for, and you are struggling to figure out what your thing is, what it is that you were made to do, or what it is that you have to contribute that only you can, then it’s important to start asking for help in making this more clear for you.
Because frankly, if you have a pulse, you have a purpose. Sometime’s I think we need to be just as elementary as that with one another. Stop overlooking, and discounting your job and your role. We need you in the game.
If you are unsure of your thing, just ask some of your people.
What is it that you think I’m good at?
What do you see me doing well in my life?
What are areas that you hear me gripe about?
When are times when you see me come alive?
I recognize this is a really vulnerable question, but I pray that you have the bravery and courage to ask just one or two or three of your trusted people. And be ready to receive whatever it is they have to say.
AND, if you’re one of the lucky ones who already has a strong sense of your “thing”, call out the good you see in others. Let them know you see how gifted of a teacher they are, how valuable their encouragement means to the people around them, how impactful their hospitality is to others. People want to hear these things. And what may be obvious to you, is really magic to someone else.
What are your answers to the questions above? What is it that you think you’re good at? When are scenarios that you really see yourself come alive and thrive? What about the areas that suck the life out of you?
If you care to share with me, just leave a comment below – I’d love to encourage you!