One of the dumbest parts about being a mom in today’s American society is the notion that you can achieve it all.
This is a big fat lie, and one I have fallen prey to too many times to count. Motherhood, marriage, parenting, job – it’s all one big juggling act. And if you aren’t careful, anxiety becomes your go-to visceral response feeling like you’re a failure, or your world will stop if God forbid, you drop a ball.
I am a humorous stay at home mom friend for my friends to have. I buck ALL of the stereotypes I’m sure, and I’m done apologizing for it. Don’t even try and label me because it won’t work. I once heard the phrase “Somewhere between Proverbs 31 and Tupac, there’s me.” And I thought yasssss, NOW someone finally gets me. But it’s the truth.
Being a mom is enough.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
How many times though at a party, or a business gathering of my husband’s, is the leading question when you meet new people, “So what do you DO?” There is no harm meant in this question, someone is simply asking to get to know you most likely. But this question has haunted me for years. I would always feel the need to justify my intelligence or competency by quickly stating what I USED to do (ie when I received a paycheck), that somehow this would warrant approval from my soon-to-be friend. This is so stupid that I do this. I could blame it on my three-ness (Enneagram) because I for sure have quite the vanity streak in me, but ultimately I think it’s rooted in the lie that being a mom is not enough.
It is rare in my circles right now to come across a woman who just does one thing. There is a pressure to not just raise your kids well, but also to maintain a weekly date night in order to be at thriving marital status (when let’s be honest, most of us are just surviving), volunteer in the classroom, initiate happy hour with your girlfriends on the regular, contribute in a significant way to your local philanthrophy of choice, keep up those hair roots when the greys pop through every 4-6 weeks, have a healthy well-balanced nutrient rich meal prepped morning, noon and night for each of the tiny humans residing in your household, OH and take care of yourself! And the list of pressures goes on.
Ladies, let’s just focus on ONE thing and trust that it is enough. If you believe it for yourself, and present your one thing with pride, there is no room for judgement or feelings of not enough. There is no rule at how often you can change up this thing. All of you, in one thing is so much better than part of you in lots of things.
It’s kind of like sharing baby names. When you share a name with someone as a “potential” candidate for your unborn child, it leaves the door open for people to insert their opinions on their thoughts and feelings on that particular name. Whereas, if you simply say, “His name IS…” there’s no room for the peanut gallery. We need to start stating who we are as fact, and my hunch is that people will start to back off. I’m fully guilty of this for sure. Of presenting my job as “just a mom” or “I just stay home” as if that title is less than. Guess what? People will treat me like I’m less then if that’s how I present it. I’m done with it.
Being a mom is enough.
Being a wife is enough.
Being a teacher is enough.
Running a big or small business is enough.
You do not have to do it all, nor do I recommend it. Life is not a balancing act. It is a constant re-ordering of priorities based on your goals. There will be times and seasons for each thing and the goal is to always be intentional around these things. But you won’t be able to do it all, at one time.
Mind you, I recognize fully that we are all capable of doing more than one thing. I am an Achiever on the Enneagram afterall, getting things done is my go-to. But just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.
Multi-tasking is a myth and frankly in my opinion has gotten way out of hand in our distracted state of living these days. When is the last time that you just let yourself do one thing at a time? Watch TV without a device or computer on your lap? Not turned the channel during the commercial just to fill the “empty” space. Just sat at a red light instead of grabbing your phone to mindlessly scroll or check your likes for two minutes?
Hear me when I say that nothing that you DO will ever be enough to earn approval or worth from anyone.
Stop striving. There is no magical balance, there is no magical arrival point. Let’s call out things in our lives that are character-based, not works-based. Let’s state things that we believe to be true for others, the same as for ourselves.
We all want someone to affirm in us that we are okay. That we are doing okay.
Friends, you are doing better than you think.
Really receive that.
Mas amor, por favor.
And I mean that for ourselves. And each other.