If you’ve been a mom for more than a few days, you know how quickly the honeymoon phase of newborn baby bliss can wear off, and how quickly the everyday monotony starts to creep in.
Cook, clean, feed them, diapers, wipes, bath time, sports, cook, clean, feed them, REPEAT.
I do believe though that without changing your circumstances, you can change your mindset. That’s a whole other topic though that people who are much smarter than me talk about on the regular. What I can help you with though is finding your purpose. And I’ve discovered it through walking this road myself for many years.
Truly, to find and feel purposeful, it all boils down to CONNECTION.
Motherhood is ISOLATING, and you can feel uber lonely even on your good days. Without connection, you are a ship sailing a solo journey, without a rudder, and without a purpose.
Let’s break connection down into three main areas:
- Community
- Yourself
- A Cause Outside of You
Community
Your people! Good Lord, don’t even attempt to try motherhood without your people. The thing that oftentimes gets overlooked is the need to find NEW PEOPLE. Yes, you love your people of old, and you have your select ride or dies, but do not underestimate the need for new friends, especially in different seasons of life. These are people who are close to you in proximity (hi park moms, library moms, random mom who walks by your house). You might feel like a desperate stalker looking for new friends, but sister, ain’t no shame in finding your people game. Connection with your people is ESSENTIAL to feeling purpose in your journey of motherhood.
Yourself
This seems a bit counter-intuitive that you can provide connection with yourself, but without spiritual and emotional connection, you will flounder. After so many years of caring for these little people, I sort of forgot who I was. What was I even good at? What did I care about? My sense of self was un-tapped for so long that I didn’t know what I even wanted out of life anymore. Obviously, there are a million “self-help” type books and podcasts (some of my faves are here and here), which I think are extremely useful tools, but having an integrated connection on an emotional (not ignoring your needs one minute longer) and spiritual (church, meditation, quiet time, etc) is essential to a purposeful life. How can you discover who you are, and who you were meant to be, without connecting and consulting with your Creator?
A Cause Outside of You
This has been the most pivotal element of connection for me in my journey to finding, and feeling, purpose. You cannot be the center of your entire world or you WILL end up wallowing in a sea of self-pity for your own daily woes in motherhood. Find a cause outside of yourself. It can be a formal non-profit for you to invest some of your time, talent, or treasure into or it can just be another human who can benefit from your connection.
In seasons of hardship or transitional woes, nothing will help you see more clearly than choosing to invest in a cause outside of yourself. This perspective will help cultivate gratitude in your life and help you understand your purpose and place in this thing called life.
Three Main Pillars to Purpose
Connection to your Community, Yourself, and A Cause Greater than Yourself. This is the formula for cultivating a life of purpose.
If these sound huge or overwhelming, try focusing on just one pillar today or this month. Start with your community. Decide who you want to be, and then go find those people who are already living in that manner. You want a good marriage? Go make friends with someone who has a healthy marriage. You want to be more spiritually connected? Seek out a friend who is active spiritually.
![There’s a phrase in parenting I’ve heard a lot that says something along the lines of [insert thing] is CAUGHT not TAUGHT. This could be language, generosity, joy, personal disciplines - all the things that you’re doing in your everyday life that your kids are picking up on. And while I do believe this statement is mostly true, I don’t think that means we shouldn’t actually legit TEACH our kids. Yes, they’re not going to buy your spiel on generosity if your life doesn’t actually wreak of generosity - kids have a real good BS sniffer.
But I am learning there is A TON of power in helping our kids change their mindset, teaching them affirmations about WHO they are, and what their default mode should be in challenging times. I’m hopeful that I can equip them with a POSITIVE internal narrative they hear when they most need it. I think we have TONS of influence on this for our kids. If I speak 𝐋ife-giving statements over them, my hope is these things eventually sink in and become written on their hearts. But I have to intentionally TEACH them, not just hope they CATCH them (because as @msrachelhollis says, hope is not a strategy). And this isn’t just rhetoric or theory. I’m seeing it in the actual lives of my kids. Somebody said the word joy yesterday, and she immediately recited: my joy grows when I share it with others. 💡And just like a lightbulb went off in her head and she changed her path to go share joy with someone else!
So yes, a lot of parenting is caught...but I also think a good majority is TAUGHT too. And if that’s true, then we should be intentional about WHAT we are teaching them right?
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If you’re looking for some help on how to have more intention around your conversations with your kids, check out the free monthly guide to instilling virtues and values into your kids. We use it on the daily, and I’ve seen a HUGE change in my kids’ growth mindset. It’s been awesome! (The link is in my profile)](https://designstylepurpose.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png)
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